There it was. The blank page. My fingers over the keyboard, frozen by an invisible force that seemed to mock my every attempt at creativity. Words, usually flowing like a gentle stream of through my fingertips, had become strangers in the night – elusive, distant, and maddeningly out of reach.
This wasn’t writer’s block. No. This was war: a daily battle against the twin demons of frustration and self-doubt.
“Maybe I’m just not good enough.” Click. I close the laptop. I’d convinced myself that only more skill could save me, that talent alone would break this cycle of frustration and failure. But I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Emotional control is key to mastery
In his book An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, Chris Hadfield talks about how hard it is to become an astronaut. He says that you can be the most talented person in the world, but you won’t become an astronaut if you lack certain skills, such as “the ability to push yourself to the point of discomfort and beyond”.
If becoming an astronaut, one of the most complicated jobs there is, requires skills like hard work, what role can those skills play in writing? Can I be good at writing if I don’t know how to push myself to the point of discomfort or be disciplined?
In his book Mastery, Robert Greene explores what it takes to achieve mastery in any field, using the examples of Einstein, Da Vinci, Marie Curie and many others. And he explains something that I don’t think we pay enough attention to.
What separates masters from others is often something surprisingly simple. Whenever we learn a skill, we often feel frustrated; what we are learning seems beyond our capabilities. By giving in to these feelings, we unconsciously give up on ourselves before we really give up.
The only real impediment to mastery is yourself and your emotions - boredom, panic, frustration, insecurity. You cannot suppress such emotions; they are normal to the process and are experienced by everyone, including Masters. What you can do is have faith in the process.
When we face a difficult problem, our enemy is not only the problem itself, but also our attitude. And this is interesting because it is often we ourselves who make things more difficult.
The Maze of Mastery
Imagine you’re in a giant maze. The walls tower above you, each path looking deceptively similar. Wrong turns are inevitable, bringing frustration and fear. So you start to try new paths, and, as expected, you get lost. Once. Twice. Five times. Ten times.
Now you have a choice.
You could see each wrong turn as proof of failure. “I’m terrible at this,” you might think, letting negativity take over and drain your motivation. If you do this you’re more likely to make the situation worse. Getting out of the maze is difficult, and you need your mind and focus be as clear as possible. So it’s a bad idea letting negative emotions like fear or frustration cloud your judgment.
Or you can behave like Chris Hadfield. You can view each dead end as valuable information. “Well, now I know not to go this way,” you might reason. Each wrong turn becomes a step toward understanding the maze better. The frustration is still there, but it no longer controls you. Instead, it becomes fuel for determination. You realize that with each “failure,” you’re actually mapping the maze, getting closer to understanding its layout and finding the exit.
Emotional control doesn’t make the challenge disappear. It prevents you from making the challenge even harder by adding layers of self-doubt and negativity. As Michael Jordan once said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed.”
When the greatest player in basketball history comes to your mind, you don’t picture failure. You picture success. Let that sink in. But as he continues,
“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”
Every lost game. Every setback. If Jordan had let all these mistakes define him, or cloud his judgement, he would not have become Michael Jordan.
In writing or learning a new skill or escaping a maze or playing a sport, mistakes are not personal failings; they are necessary steps on the path to improvement. A wrong move is, well, just that, a wrong move.
It doesn’t define you. It may well show you the path to go. But only if you allow it. And, as we are going to see now, this is what the examples of Eliud Kipchoge and Novak Djokovic show.
Eliud Kipchoge: Patience in the Face of Pain
Eliud Kipchoge, the greatest marathoner, has redefined running. With 18 wins out of 21 marathons, including two Olympic gold medals, Kipchoge’s physical mastery is undeniable. But it’s his mental strength that truly sets him apart. And the following story illustrates why.
After winning gold in the marathon at the Tokyo 2021 Olympic Games, Kipchoge and several other runners were waiting in a hall to collect their medals.
But organizational problems meant they had to wait for hours. Tired after the marathon, there was not much to do in the room. Bored, most of the runners did the usual thing: they looked for distractions. They took out their smartphones and spent their time surfing the internet or social media.
All except one. Kipchoge.
Kipchoge stood silently, waiting patiently for his medal. No fidgeting, no complaining, no seeking escape from the boredom.
This moment, observed by his fellow runners (one of whom joked, “Kipchoge is not human”), offers a glimpse into the mental discipline that allows him to excel. Think about the challenges of a marathon: the physical pain, the mental fatigue, the doubts that creep in mile after grueling mile. Kipchoge’s ability to remain composed – whether waiting for a medal or pushing through the final miles of a race – is a testament to his extraordinary emotional control.
Novak Djokovic: The Comeback King
Switching gears to the tennis court, we find another paragon of mental toughness in Novak Djokovic. The most decorated tennis player of all time, Djokovic has not just broken records – he’s shattered them. With the most Grand Slams in history and an unprecedented 400 weeks at world number one, his consistency in a sport as physically and mentally demanding as tennis seems almost superhuman. Asked in a recent interview about the secret to his mental toughness, Djokovic said:
Probably one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt about mental toughness is that if you lose focus because things start to go wrong for you, that’s OK. Accept it and come back to the present moment. How you bounce back is the most important thing.
I think what separates you from other people is how long you stay in that negative emotional state. Because it’s almost impossible to stay in the present moment all the time. We’re always thinking about what’s going to happen, how I’m going to win or whatever. But the speed with which you recover from a loss of concentration and come back to the present is one of the most important ingredients of mental toughness.
In tennis, where a single point can change the tide of a match, this ability to reset mentally can be the difference between victory and defeat. It’s not just about a powerful serve or a precise backhand; it’s about maintaining composure under pressure, bouncing back from setbacks, and staying focused on the present moment. Djokovic’s insight reveals a crucial aspect of emotional control: it’s not about avoiding negative emotions, but about recovering from them quickly.
Recap: The Inner Battle
As we’ve seen through these examples – from the aspiring writer to the astronaut, from the marathon champion to the tennis legend – the pursuit of excellence always involves an inner battle. No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be one opponent you have to beat: yourself.
Difficult emotions will arise. Frustration, doubt, fear, boredom – these are not signs of weakness or inadequacy. They are natural parts of any challenging endeavor.
The key is learning to navigate these emotional waters without letting them capsize your efforts. We all face moments of self-doubt, but it’s how we respond to these moments that determines our success.
The next time frustration threatens to derail your progress, whether you’re facing a blank page, learning a new skill, or pushing your limits in any arena, remember: the true challenge isn’t just the task at hand, but mastering your emotional response to it.
We are often limited more by our lack of emotional control than by the actual difficulty of the problems we face.
The ability to prevent your emotions from overwhelming or derailing you is one of the most powerful tools you can develop, regardless of your field. It’s about recognizing that emotions are a part of the process and learning how to manage them effectively.
So embrace the challenge. See each obstacle as an opportunity for growth. Remember, in the words of Novak Djokovic, it’s not about never losing focus – it’s about how quickly you can find it again. Your greatest achievements may be waiting just on the other side of your comfort zone. Each time you face discomfort, you have a choice: let it hold you back or let it propel you forward.